Dreams scattered

Aussie immigration rules have changed, making it harder for someone like me to obtain a PR visa.
In order to be eligible, I need to obtain a band 8.0 for my Ielts test, which seems impossible for me, I am sucked at writing and speaking, especially speaking when you receive a very spontaneous questions and have to come up with a response, oh, most of the time, I talked nonsense and did not have any idea what exactly I was talking about. Screwed!!!

I don't think I'll be doing the Professional Year, as it's a waste of money (my mom is going to be broke soon if my studies continue further, not to mention she has to pay for my brother's tuition fees - which is another 4 years).

I don't think my English is that bad, actually my speaking was really good when I talk to a friend in a relaxed comfortable environment. However, when it comes to exame mode, wow, I become nervous and there's something called 'brain freeze'.

I'm scared and lost at this moment. I don't know what I'll be doing next year, my first plan was to obtain a TR visa, sat for NAATI accreditation and retake IELTS. Cross fingers that if I achieve the minimum requirement, I'll have less things to worry about.

On a sad and desperate day like this, I will indulge myself into eating and sleeping, as it's the only way that I temporarily forget what troubles I am having. Consuming half a bag of chocolate which I bought this afternoon makes me feel unhealthy and fat, and I am too lazy for exercise.

Somehow the thought that 'I am not good enough' keeps wandering in my head. Instead of becoming more determined, studying harder, I feel like giving up and desperate.

If those fortuneteller's predictions are true, I would be having no problem staying overseas ...

I don't know, I am lost, I don't believe anything at this moment right now.

Wish some saviour hand will help me ...

Anyway, all the best for the last and final chapter : the last semester at UWA...