I have been always dreaming of having my own house one day, so that I can decorate it in the way I want. Actually I dreamt of designing my own house, but that dream is so far-fetched now, given the degree I am studying is not architecture, and given the budget of building a house overseas. Having enough money to buy a house for own would be good enough nowadays. The thought of moving house scares me, I've been moving for the past 4 years in Australia, and each time, I get stressed out. It's the feel of insecurity, that the place I'm going to move will not be the secured place to live in for the duration I want it to be. In fact, the longest house I had lived in (also the nicest room I've ever had) in Australia only lasted for 1 year, and the owner decided to sell the property, leaving the urge to find a new accommodation. And now, I am ended up in this tiny shitting room.
My brother will probably come to Australia this year, still not sure yet, and now I already feel the urge of finding the new accommodation. Housing price goes up, finding a new place with a reasonable price is getting harder and harder. This shitty apartment now appears to be really cheap, should I stay or move?
One worry lingering in my head is if my mother and my brother actually come to Australia, how should I tell the Korean brothers to move out, because mom and bro will come in October, and the Kor bros will go back to their country in November. 1 month lapse, that worries me. I know that this is not my problem, but I still feel the responsibility of informing them early... Sigh, why do I have to be a responsible and cared person? (sarcasm)
When it comes the time like this, I dream, the dream of having a house, a home ...
Yeah, I have a home in Vietnam, but it's not the home that I can come back every day.
Graduating end of this year, and I haven't decided what to do, going back or stay. I prefer to stay, gain some work experience, attain PR status, ... and some far-fetched dream: meeting some nice guy, get married, have a nice house, and start making my dreams real.
I'm an adventurous person I must say, I want to leave Perth for Melbourne as I heard life there is much more fun. I love to meet new people, experience new life, but a part of me is pulling me back, telling me that 'don't go!', it's the burden of what left behind if I were to go.
At this moment, I suddenly recall the movie 'Up in the air' where George Clooney referred the burden and the backpack. Should I get rid of my backpack and move on!?
Also at this moment, I am as lost as when I just finished O level, don't know what to do, fill with uncertainty, and on top of that: fear, anxiety...
21 years old, I am definitely not enjoying my youth time. Some friends are no longer friends, they are screwed! Words of mouth are more dangerous than a sword, and I don't even know why people boycotted me?!? (Not all people, just some stupid idiot ones, listen to one bitching mouth without knowing right or wrong). I feel anguished, frustrated, upset ... all the bad feelings!
I want to have my teeth braced, so that I will have a better smile. I want to have double eyelids, so people won't confuse me with Chinese. People often say inner beauty is the most important, appearance is fake. It is not so true, sometimes appearance plays the most important part, it can dictate winner or loser. At the first impression, appearance is the utmost important. Sometimes I look myself in the mirror, I see an ugly girl, hate my over crowded teeth, hate my monolid eyes, I look abnormal!
Sigh, enough complaints, off to sleep, hope for a better tomorrow!
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